I recently started telling my clients that I am not a business coach….I’m an emotional fitness coach. Emotional fitness is the ultimate secret to creating success, happiness, joy and achieving your fullest potential. What is emotional fitness? Most people are familiar with the biblical term, “turning the other cheek.” Emotional fitness is the same thing.
Said another way (that makes more sense to me), emotional fitness is the ability to generate positive feelings despite the conditions around you. Most of our human population lives conditionally. In other words, the conditions around them dictate how they feel. And since your emotions are your energetic output, you will attract conditions that match your emotions or energetic output. For example, if you are feeling overwhelmed by work and family and other things in your life, you will attract more conditions of a similar nature. The basement will flood or your wallet will be stolen. If you are annoyed by someone in your life, you will attract clients that annoy you too! Living conditionally can feel like you are stuck on a giant hamster wheel. You focus on what’s showing up in your life, which makes you feel a certain way and more of the same stuff shows up. That’s fine and dandy when your focus is on the best things that are showing up in your life, but no matter who you are, you are likely to encounter some serious contrast. The secret to getting off the hamster wheel is emotional fitness, or the ability to feel good, happy, joyful, excited etc, even if the conditions around you are unpleasant.
Depending upon your level of desire for a specific condition, it can be easy to find a feeling good place or it can be very difficult. This is why emotional fitness is not a destination. It’s not a feather in a cap. It’s a practice, but it shouldn’t take hard work or feel like struggle. Instead, with a little bit of focus, it should feel good, easy, and fun. It can be started with just a few minutes a day and within a short period of time, you will get better and better and better at it. But you will never reach a finishing point. Once you really understand it and its power, emotional fitness is something you will practice and improve upon for the rest of your life.
Here are 3 pointers for practicing emotional fitness:
1. Stop caring about what “they” think
When you care about what others think, you are trying to control a condition that you can’t control. You will NEVER be able to control what others think. So stop trying. Stop caring about it. The only thing you CAN control is how you feel. And that is dictated by your focus and your thoughts. In any given moment, you can choose to focus on something that makes you feel good or you can choose to focus on something that makes you feel bad. Therein lies your power. When you are attached to what others think, you enslave yourself to them. You end up standing on your head to please them, but you can’t control their emotional state. So you will lose this challenge 100% of the time. Give it up. Turn your focus on how you feel. Care about how you feel. I can speak to this one myself because I spent at least 40 years of my life very concerned about what others think of me. In full transparency, caring about what others think was a masked way for me to seek a feeling of significance and importance. And what helped with my emotional fitness was finding thoughts within that made me feel important and significant. In other words, I fed myself with those feelings instead of looking to others to feed it.
2. Stop beating yourself up.
You will make mistakes. You will fail. It’s part of life. In fact, it’s a great part of life. Nothing happens TO you. Everything happens FOR you. Your mistakes and failures are blessings. Why? Because they give you clarity on what you want. You are never more clear of what you want than when confronted with what you don’t want. When you make a bad investment decision, you are never more clear that you want financial security. In that moment of the failure, you ask – loud and clear – for a waterfall of financial abundance to shower upon you. That request has been answered, energetically. Your work now is to line up energetically with what you want….not with what is. And that has everything to do with your point of focus and the emotions that it elicits.
3. Stop figuring out the “how”
When you wake up in the morning, you don’t try to figure out how the sun is going to rise or your heart is going to beat and your blood flow to your brain, do you? No. So why do we try to figure out how we will achieve our goals once they are set. It’s not your job! Your job is to ask – set the goals. And then, your job is to allow them to unfold. Another way to say it – it’s your job to find pleasure and a good feeling place even when the conditions are unpleasant. It’s the job of source (or God or the Universe)to deliver on your ask. You can’t want something without the path to having it be possible. You know you are worrying about the “how” when you are focused on “what is” when “what is” is the absence of what you want. For example, suppose you want to secure a full River Cruise charter with a wine bar owner. It would tickle you pink to have that kind of business in your next year. But you’ve never sold a River Cruise in your life. Not even 1 cabin. You recently got educated on a great group travel strategy and you feel excited about it. But you are full of questions. What business owners should you approach? How should you approach them? What can you say that will get them to say “yes”? How much of your commission should you share with them? How do you make sure you fill the cruise? And on and on the questions go! Every single question is your alarm signal that your focus is on “what is” and that you are getting caught in “perfection paralysis.” When you notice the endless questions, the anxiety, and the doubt – that’s your signal to shift your focus from what is….to what you want. The universe doesn’t know the difference between what’s real and what’s imagined. So to shift your focus onto what you want – first ask yourself, what exactly do I want? Then ask yourself why? What pleasure will you get from it? Then let yourself play in those emotions. Just be playful with it. Spend as much time as you can “swimming” in the feeling of what you want. When you do this – you’ve made an important shift. Do it regularly, and you have created the momentum needed to bring all your hopes and dreams to fruition. The power, freedom and worthiness you will feel when it shows up is indescribable. Go do it!