“Until you let go of all the toxic people in your life, you will never be able to grow into your fullest potential. Let them go so you can grow.”
This may sound a little crazy, but I completely disagree with this quote and the theory of cutting out the toxic people in your life. In fact, I believe the opposite is true of “let them go so you can grow.” You have already grown. You don’t have to let them go. They will fade away … or not. That’s for the universe to decide.
Something I’ve learned in my life journey is to bless and find gratitude for the “rascals” in your life. There are so many blessings that come from them.
What is a “rascal?”
A “rascal” is anyone in your life that refuses to do, be or say what you want them to do, be or say. Most people have at least 1 in their lives. Rascals often show up as a child, a parent, a sibling, a spouse/partner, or a friend. When you see that you have a rascal in your life, count yourself lucky. That person is a gift to you and a teacher, even if the person is completely unaware or exhibits toxic behavior.
Why? Because they give you the opportunity to practice finding your alignment, happiness, joy, peace, trust, reassurance and love that resides within you, independent of their behavior. When you practice this unconditional love, it frees you from the madness of trying to control them. And let me tell you, wanting to control someone who is uncontrollable is true madness. It’s so easy to want them to be a certain way, because you will feel better when they are.
For example, maybe the rascal is your child and you’ve been receiving negative reports from his teacher that he’s acting up in class, talking over the teacher and not sharing with his classmates. You will feel better if your child changes his behavior and magically becomes the cooperative kid you want him to be. So you do things to control his behavior. You take away privileges, ground him and have long talks with him until becomes the cooperative student you want him to be.
The problem here is that you have now become dependent upon your child behaving in a certain way so you feel better. When you become dependent upon their behavior and words for your happiness, joy, significance, or to feel love, you then try to control them, often without realizing it.
Attempting to control something/someone that is uncontrollable is sheer madness. Nobody in your life is controllable. There are many people in this world that are conformers and people pleasers. They lead you to erroneously believe they are controllable and your life feels easier, more peaceful because of them. Then along comes a rascal, who is in your life to teach you that your peace, happiness, joy, alignment is achievable despite their behavior and words. The more you try to control them, the more rebellious (and maybe even toxic) they get.
Every single time they let you down or, worse, hurt you by not doing what you want them to do, they are actually giving you the opportunity to find your feeling good place within, independent of the conditions they create.As you practice feeling good despite their behavior, you find your balance, you find your power and you find your way to deliberately creating the life you want. Words don’t teach people. Life experience does. Thank those rascals for giving you life experience from which you can practice this balancing act.
The best news is when you give up attempting to control them, you create the space for them to step into their best self and follow their own internal guidance. That defiant student that happens to be your child, when he truly feels the freedom to be who he is, will want to be cooperative in the classroom, not because someone is demanding it of him but because it’s what feels the best to him.
So if you are wrestling with a rascal in your life, give up the fight of control. THAT’s the toxic part … the need to control … because you will never be able to control them. Control what you CAN control – your alignment; your focus. Cut out the need to control others so you can grow and allow the life you deserve to live.